When I first downloaded a dating app, my intentions were pretty typical. Like most people, I was looking for a romantic connection—maybe even something long-term if the stars aligned. But as I began swiping, chatting, and occasionally meeting people face to face, something unexpected happened. I started making friends.
Not just casual acquaintances, but real, engaging, thoughtful people who expanded my worldview, introduced me to new ideas, and even connected me to opportunities in other areas of my life. Over time, I realized online dating isn't just about romance—it can also be a powerful tool for growing your social circle in meaningful ways.
Rethinking the “Dating” Part of Online Dating
It took me a while to shift my mindset. At first, I dismissed any match that didn't feel like a romantic spark. I was filtering people out instead of letting conversations evolve naturally. But after a few surprisingly pleasant chats that didn't lead to dates—but did lead to really great exchanges—I started to wonder: what if I stopped using dating apps strictly for dating?
That question changed everything.
Once I let go of the idea that every interaction had to lead to something romantic, I felt liberated. I could just connect with people, enjoy the exchange, and see where it led. Some conversations fizzled, but others turned into friendships. I even found a creative collaborator for a freelance project.
Being Honest About Intentions
The most important thing I did was update my profile to reflect my new approach. I wrote that I was open to meeting people for meaningful conversations, shared hobbies, and friendship—romantic connection wasn't my only goal.
To my surprise, that honesty didn't push people away—it drew them in. Others messaged to say they felt the same way or were relieved to find someone who wasn't just there for hookups or fast-track dating. That's when I realized how many people out there are also craving authentic connection, in all forms.
Exploring Alternative Platforms
While most people are familiar with the big players like Tinder and Bumble, I started branching out to niche platforms and different modes. For example, Bumble's BFF mode led me to meet people who were new to my city and eager to make friends. Meetup groups with dating elements, hobby-based apps, and even Discord servers attached to dating communities helped me find people I actually wanted to talk to.
These spaces often attract users who aren't just thinking about love—they're thinking about growth, connection, and shared experience. That was exactly the kind of energy I wanted in my life.
Conversations Without Pressure
Once I dropped the expectation that conversations needed to have a romantic outcome, they changed entirely. I stopped worrying about whether someone thought I was attractive or witty enough. I became more curious, more patient, and more open.
Instead of shallow small talk, I'd ask real questions: What drives you? What are you passionate about? What have you learned from your past relationships or friendships?
Some chats only lasted a few days, while others turned into deeper, long-term connections. One person invited me to a hiking group. Another connected me with a creative writing circle. These were things I didn't even realize I was missing—until I found them.
Letting Online Become Offline
The magic of using dating apps for friendship is that people are already open to meeting up in real life. Unlike social media, where friendships can linger in the digital realm, dating apps come with the expectation that you might eventually connect offline. I leaned into that.
After a few good chats, I'd suggest coffee, a walk in the park, or joining a group activity together. Most people were enthusiastic, and those casual hangouts turned into genuine friendships.
There's something uniquely rewarding about taking a connection that began with a swipe and turning it into something much more lasting.
Protecting Myself Along the Way
Of course, this approach still comes with risks. I've had to be discerning, set boundaries, and always prioritize my safety. Meeting in public, informing a friend where I'll be, and following my intuition are non-negotiables.
Not everyone is going to respect your boundaries or share your intentions, so it's important to be clear and cautious—but not closed off.
The Unexpected Payoff
I didn't anticipate how much richer my life would become when I stopped seeing online dating as a narrow road to romance. I've built friendships that have lasted for years. Some people introduced me to their communities, others offered career insights, and some simply provided a kind ear at just the right time.
In fact, some of the most pivotal people in my current social circle came from dating apps—not because we dated, but because we connected.
My Advice to You
If you're tired of ghosting, superficial conversations, or swiping fatigue, consider shifting your approach. Use these platforms to find people who share your interests, values, or even your professional goals.
Let go of the pressure to find “the one” and instead be open to finding many ones—those who fit into your life in meaningful, surprising, and long-lasting ways.
You never know who's on the other side of the screen. Maybe not your soulmate—but possibly your next best friend, your future business partner, or a person who inspires you to look at life differently.
Final Thoughts
Online dating is only as limited as the mindset you bring to it. For me, once I let go of expectations and embraced curiosity, everything changed. Romance may still be the end goal for many people, but don't underestimate the value of platonic connection. It might just be the best part of the experience.
Please note that this article may contain affiliate links, and the opinions shared are based on my personal experiences and perspectives.
