Every time I start talking to someone new, the same question pops into my head: how often should I text them? I don't want to vanish and look uninterested, but I also don't want to bombard them with constant messages. Striking the right balance is tricky—and it's something I've had to learn through trial, error, and a lot of self-reflection.

Here's how I've come to think about texting frequency when building a brand-new connection.

Why Text Frequency Feels So Complicated

When two people are just starting out, texting sets the stage for everything else. It's not just about sending words—it's about showing effort, creating anticipation, and figuring out if our communication styles mesh.

  • Text too rarely, and they may assume I'm not interested.



  • Text too often, and I risk smothering the spark.



  • Text at the right pace, and the connection grows naturally.



That's why I take texting seriously in those early stages—it carries a lot of unspoken meaning.

What Affects the “Right” Amount of Texting

1. Personal Preferences

Everyone has their own rhythm. I've met people who want updates all day long, and others who are fine with one thoughtful message at night. Neither is wrong—it's just about compatibility.

2. Stage of Interaction

  • First few days: I usually send a quick message here and there, just to keep things light.



  • A couple weeks in: If the vibe is good, texting naturally becomes more frequent.



  • Further along: We usually settle into a comfortable routine that fits both of us.



3. Real-Life Commitments

When I know someone has a demanding job, school, or kids, I don't expect them to be glued to their phone. Understanding each other's schedules makes the whole texting dynamic smoother.

4. Conversation Energy

Some days, we'll chat back and forth for hours. Other days, the messages trickle in. I've realized that healthy conversations have this natural ebb and flow.

My Personal Texting Guidelines

1. Mirror Their Style

I tend to match their pace. If they're texting once a day, I won't blow up their phone. If they're sending playful messages throughout the day, I'll lean into that too.

2. Prioritize Substance

One thoughtful message can make more of an impact than ten dry ones. I'd rather send a question that sparks conversation than just a “wyd.”

3. Don't Panic About Silence

I used to stress if I didn't hear back right away. Now, I see pauses as normal. Everyone needs time away from their phone, and space can keep the excitement alive.

4. Move Beyond Texts

Texting is only the first step. If I feel the connection, I try to take things to a call, video chat, or actual date.

Mistakes I've Learned to Avoid

  • Overdoing It: Early on, I used to text constantly. It quickly drained the spark and left little to discover in person.



  • Pulling Back Too Much: Waiting days to respond never made me look mysterious—it just made me look uninterested.



  • Assuming the Worst: If someone replied slowly, I used to assume they weren't into me. In reality, they were just busy.



How I Figure Out the Right Balance

Here's my mental checklist:

  1. What's their texting pace?



  2. Does our exchange feel fun or forced?



  3. Am I enjoying it, or do I feel pressured?



  4. Are we moving toward real-life connection?



If the answers feel positive, I know we're in a good rhythm.

Real-World Examples

  • After first meeting: I send a simple “Great meeting you!” to break the ice.



  • First week: I'll check in once or twice a day, depending on their replies.



  • As things build: We often fall into more frequent chats without forcing it.



  • During busy times: A quick supportive text is better than nothing.



Closing Thoughts

There isn't one universal rule for how often to text someone you've just started talking to. What matters most is being authentic, paying attention to their communication style, and keeping the energy balanced.

For me, the best approach is to stay flexible, thoughtful, and open. When texting feels natural—neither rushed nor neglected—that's when connections have the best chance to grow.

Please note that this article may contain affiliate links, and the opinions shared are based on my personal experiences and perspectives.